In the Midst of the Storm

  I love sharing stories of what God has done in my life. However, I love sharing them after they are complete. I like having resolutions. I like when the mess is cleaned up. It is easy to share my story then. It is so much harder to share what God is doing when He is STILL working, when I do not know what the finish line looks like.

  My pastor recently spoke on Peace, in the MIDST of the storm. He was reminding us that peace is not the absence of problems. However, it is something God brings to us while we are still facing problems. That being said, I felt God asking me to share a struggle with you that I am currently dealing with. I do not have a pretty bow wrapped on the situation. I am struggling to put my trust in the Lord, daily. I have no idea how it will turn out. This post is part of my declaration of faith. I know that God will come through for me. I do not know how or when, but I know that He WILL. He always has before, so why should He fail me now? He won't, so I chose to trust in Him.

  In case you missed the news, I am pregnant. 8 months pregnant to be exact. As I type this my due date is less than one month away. Baby McNeal will be here in the upcoming year and Jeremy and I are so excited to meet our little one!! However, I am not sure how we are going to pay for this precious gift. I had insurance when I first found out I was pregnant and that insurance ended a few months into the pregnancy. I took my time doing research and when I finally decided where to start the enrollment process they told me I was not eligible to enroll. Thus I had to wait until open enrollment. I picked an insurance plan that is to start on January 1st. As baby is not due to arrive until the end of the month this should be okay, right? ;-)

  The bad news is that my insurance plan does not accept all hospitals in the area. Due to unfortunate circumstances in the marketplace there were only two options, neither of them that great. The plan I chose is the better of the two, but, at the moment, it still does not accept the clinic I am planning to give birth at. I have already switched my doctor/hospital around once and I really do not want to do so again, this late in the pregnancy. I chose my insurance plan because the clinic said they would get this insurance. The process has proven more difficult than we all originally thought it would be. The insurance company is not wanting to take the time to prioritize the clinic, thus I am left in a waiting game. Do I stay where I am, knowing that I do not personally have the money to pay for this entire birth without insurance? Do I change doctors/hospitals yet again, in this last month? Do I stay or do I wait?

  At the moment I am choosing to wait, yet it is a terrifying feeling. I do not know how exactly we will pay for this birth. Even if they allow us to pay the fees in stages, we will not have the income to pay for those later payments. We are trying to find a way to afford insurance for all three of us as it is. Our finances are tight. Extremely tight. We will basically be able to pay our bills and nothing else. No wiggle room. Lots of trusting in the Lord.

  A question my pastor asked recently is whether I am trusting in God or in money. This hit me SO hard. I truly enjoy saving money for the future. When that money gets taken away and the option to save gets taken away, I get uncomfortable. Sadly, I prefer trusting in my own ability to save money more than I prefer to trust in God for my finances. I feel safer relying on myself. I have NO idea why. My finances are limited. They are finite. God is limitless. He is infinite. He is beyond my comprehension. His power and His resources know no end.

  Thus, as I do not know how God is going to come through, I choose to trust in Him. His answer may mean that I switch doctors once again. His answer may mean that I have to let go of my desire to have the baby in a birth clinic rather than a hospital. His answer may mean that we go into debt that we do not know how to pay back. His answer may mean that He opens the door for my insurance to work with my clinic. It may mean so many different things. No matter what it means, I choose to trust in Him. My faithful provider. My father who has never let me down. I choose to to trust in what I cannot see. Even if....

  What are the big obstacles in your way right now? What circumstance, what situation, are you facing that you have no solution for? What can you let go of and give to God? Let us trust together for the impossible to happen! Let us choose to embrace His peace in the MIDST of the storm.