In the Midst of the Storm

  I love sharing stories of what God has done in my life. However, I love sharing them after they are complete. I like having resolutions. I like when the mess is cleaned up. It is easy to share my story then. It is so much harder to share what God is doing when He is STILL working, when I do not know what the finish line looks like.

  My pastor recently spoke on Peace, in the MIDST of the storm. He was reminding us that peace is not the absence of problems. However, it is something God brings to us while we are still facing problems. That being said, I felt God asking me to share a struggle with you that I am currently dealing with. I do not have a pretty bow wrapped on the situation. I am struggling to put my trust in the Lord, daily. I have no idea how it will turn out. This post is part of my declaration of faith. I know that God will come through for me. I do not know how or when, but I know that He WILL. He always has before, so why should He fail me now? He won't, so I chose to trust in Him.

  In case you missed the news, I am pregnant. 8 months pregnant to be exact. As I type this my due date is less than one month away. Baby McNeal will be here in the upcoming year and Jeremy and I are so excited to meet our little one!! However, I am not sure how we are going to pay for this precious gift. I had insurance when I first found out I was pregnant and that insurance ended a few months into the pregnancy. I took my time doing research and when I finally decided where to start the enrollment process they told me I was not eligible to enroll. Thus I had to wait until open enrollment. I picked an insurance plan that is to start on January 1st. As baby is not due to arrive until the end of the month this should be okay, right? ;-)

  The bad news is that my insurance plan does not accept all hospitals in the area. Due to unfortunate circumstances in the marketplace there were only two options, neither of them that great. The plan I chose is the better of the two, but, at the moment, it still does not accept the clinic I am planning to give birth at. I have already switched my doctor/hospital around once and I really do not want to do so again, this late in the pregnancy. I chose my insurance plan because the clinic said they would get this insurance. The process has proven more difficult than we all originally thought it would be. The insurance company is not wanting to take the time to prioritize the clinic, thus I am left in a waiting game. Do I stay where I am, knowing that I do not personally have the money to pay for this entire birth without insurance? Do I change doctors/hospitals yet again, in this last month? Do I stay or do I wait?

  At the moment I am choosing to wait, yet it is a terrifying feeling. I do not know how exactly we will pay for this birth. Even if they allow us to pay the fees in stages, we will not have the income to pay for those later payments. We are trying to find a way to afford insurance for all three of us as it is. Our finances are tight. Extremely tight. We will basically be able to pay our bills and nothing else. No wiggle room. Lots of trusting in the Lord.

  A question my pastor asked recently is whether I am trusting in God or in money. This hit me SO hard. I truly enjoy saving money for the future. When that money gets taken away and the option to save gets taken away, I get uncomfortable. Sadly, I prefer trusting in my own ability to save money more than I prefer to trust in God for my finances. I feel safer relying on myself. I have NO idea why. My finances are limited. They are finite. God is limitless. He is infinite. He is beyond my comprehension. His power and His resources know no end.

  Thus, as I do not know how God is going to come through, I choose to trust in Him. His answer may mean that I switch doctors once again. His answer may mean that I have to let go of my desire to have the baby in a birth clinic rather than a hospital. His answer may mean that we go into debt that we do not know how to pay back. His answer may mean that He opens the door for my insurance to work with my clinic. It may mean so many different things. No matter what it means, I choose to trust in Him. My faithful provider. My father who has never let me down. I choose to to trust in what I cannot see. Even if....

  What are the big obstacles in your way right now? What circumstance, what situation, are you facing that you have no solution for? What can you let go of and give to God? Let us trust together for the impossible to happen! Let us choose to embrace His peace in the MIDST of the storm.

Was That REALLY You God?

  Have you ever wondered if that brilliant idea in your head was really from God, or if it was just an idea you came up with on your own? I have, countless times. Sometimes it happens with really small things, like holding the door open for someone or saying a word of encouragement. Sometimes it happens with bigger things like asking someone if I can pray with them. Then, sometimes it happens with things that I feel are REALLY big, like deciding where to live.

  Last year, in October, Jeremy and I felt the Lord calling us to step into the unknown with our housing situation. We had heard of this incredible housing opportunity from friends, a cooperation, and we really believed God was asking us to try and get into it. If you have never heard of a housing cooperation before, it is a mix between renting and owning. You pay an equity down on the townhouse, kind of like a mini mortgage, and then you pay super cheap rent (compared to the area). The benefits of both of these options merged together is that you can treat the townhouse a lot like your own, making changes to it where you so desire. You do need permission for bigger changes like tearing out flooring or a wall. However, you also receive benefits of renting, with basic maintenance needs like furnace servicing, lawn mowing and leaf removal being taken care of for you. For young families starting out, it is a GREAT option. You pay a lower rent so you can save for a down payment on a house and you get a great amount of space for the price you pay.

  Jeremy and I were living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time. A small one-bedroom apartment with little to no storage space. We were trying to save money for our future, yet not having a ton of leeway to do so. As we approached the middle of our lease on our apartment we felt God stretching us into this new opportunity. I call it stretching because it really is not usually so simple to move into this cooperation. Rather, you have to go door-to-door passing out flyers to let people know you want to move in. Or, you have to know someone moving out. There is a 'waiting' list, but it isn't used, and the office really does not like working from it.

  And so, we began a journey of going door-to-door to pass out flyers and speaking with those living in the townhouses already. This was extremely taxing on our marriage. To say it was difficult was putting it nicely. I was mostly uncomfortable talking to strangers, but my husband was extremely uncomfortable with the idea, and would not do it at first. We learned how to work with our strengths and get through the process. We tried this two times with literally NO results. We waited a month or so in between, thus cutting down the time we had left on our apartment lease.

  We had also felt the Lord asking us to prayer circles around our request. This idea was spurred on by The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Thus, we began a nightly walk around the cooperation, praying for God's will to be done and praying as well for the people who lived in the cooperation and the person/family that would allow us to move into their townhouse. We did this for a few months and did not see physical results. However, we began to fall in love with the neighborhood. We met several incredible individuals along the way that we built a little relationship with. We stretched ourselves and were obedient to the Lord.

  Yet, we did NOT "see" results. We reached the date where we had to put a notice in at our apartment for our lease, to renew or cancel. We still felt called in this new direction, thus we chose not to renew our lease. After another two months with no leads we had to go back to the office and ask for a small extension on our lease. We were definitely struggling to believe that we had originally heard from God. To make things more difficult, we talked with several friends, or strangers, who had moved into the cooperation. Their stories made it so evident that God had literally opened the door for them to move in. That was not the case for us. It was discouraging. We wanted to give up. But giving up did not seem right. We are not quitters.

  Thus, we prayed and decided we would give it one more go around. We told God that we thought we were acting in faith, but we had not seen any answers. Thus, if He wanted us to live at Westerfield He had to open the door for us. We could not do it on our own. He needed to prove Himself, or we would let go of our dream, trusting that it meant He wanted something different for us.

  I passed out flyers on last time on my own during the week, Ash Wednesday, to be exact. Our church had a service that evening that we attended. I was in tears the entire service and felt frustrated and hopeless. Yet I also felt freedom, in knowing that we had left the dream in God's hands. It was up to Him, yea or nea.

 A week later Jeremy had a phone call from a young lady who was moving out. She wanted to meet with us. We went to her home and by the end of the visit we all knew that this was exactly the home God had for us. The lady had literally been praying for a young Christian couple who was just starting out to be the ones to move in. We were/are exactly that. God had answered our prayers!!  

 Several months later we moved in. The timing was definitely NOT what we had expected or hoped for. We had difficulties in timing even after we found the right place and had to find temporary housing while we waited even longer. Nothing about this journey went the way we had hoped or desired. However, it went exactly the way it was supposed to. God knew/knows what we need so much more than we do. The day we moved into our townhouse it felt like home. The place was covered in boxes, yet it was home in a way that our apartment never was.

 We absolutely love our home now. It has a second room, perfect for the arrival of our new baby. It has storage space we did not have before. It has a kitchen that is 3-4 times the size of the one in our apartment. We have a basement. We have a designated parking spot. We have neighbors that we love and are building friendships with. It has everything we hoped for, and so much more.

  It is exactly what God had in mind for us. If we had not spent so much time waiting, trusting in the Lord, passing out flyers, and praying around Westerfield, we would not love it as we do. Our timing was definitely not God's timing. His timing was so much better. We learned about the Lord's faithfulness, timing, and provision through this experience. We learned anew what it means to trust in Him daily. We struggled to believe we had heard from the Lord. Once we truly let go and let Him take over, we saw the fruit in our lives. This has been a hard journey, but one we would never exchange for something easier.

  Are you feeling like God has given you hopes and dreams, promises for the future, yet you have not seen any results yet? Please, do not give up. Ask Him to reveal Himself in a different way. Ask Him to show you what is in the way. The answer could honestly be that it is not in His plan for you. Maybe God has something different in store for you. I promise you, if it is different than what you have in your head, it will be so much better. God does not have it in His nature to disappoint us. His promises are yes and amen. He always takes care of His children. You, my friend, are His child, whether you think so or not. He loves you and He will take care of you. I promise. :-)