From the Mouth of Babes

  I am a mother now. I have a beautiful, precious, and joyous growing girl. She has brought about sooooo many changes in my life. One of my favorites is the ability to understand and relate to the Lord in a whole new way. I see Him in a way I never could have understood before I became a mother. I see and experience new truths because of Evelyn. 

  I want to share with you one of the traits I have already seen exhibited in my sweet baby girl. She IS a Prayer Warrior. She talks to God and already has been for quite some time.    

  I know, you might be thinking....Stef, there is no way to know that for sure. She is just babbling. She doesn't form actual words yet. However....

  I have had a few specific times with Evelyn that I have already seen her talking to the Lord. In both instances she was pretty silent until someone started praying. As soon as the prayers began, she became animated and began talking up a storm. You'll just have to take my word for it, but if you had been in the room at that moment you would have seen the change in Evie and wondered if she might possibly be talking to the Lord along with the adult praying. Is that even possible??

Well, it says in Psalm 8:2 that “from the mouths of children and babies come songs of praise to you. They sing of your power to silence your enemies who were seeking revenge.” I think we, myself included, can so easily discount what babies are saying. We can't understand them. The words sound like babble. They are learning to talk, but surely they aren't actually holding conversations or praying? That's crazy talk!

However, the Word of God literally says "from the mouths of children and babies come songs of praise to you. They sing of your power to silence your enemies who were seeking revenge.”

Let us not discount the words of those sweet littles. There is so much power in our words, babies included. Let us believe the words of 1 Timothy 4:12 that declare "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." Let us believe this right down to those tiny babes, because, out of the mouth of babes comes strength!!!!! 

Music Monday // Reckless Love

  Yesterday at church we sang this powerful song, Reckless Love. It was not the first time I have heard it, but reading the lyrics as we sang along, made it all the more meaningful. All the more beautiful.

  Pastor John's sermon was titled "Reaching." If one of us had the cure to cancer, we would NOT be keeping it to ourselves. We would be telling medical personnel, who can get it to all those in need. We would be telling EVERYONE we knew who was affected by it. We would not keep that information to ourselves. As believers, we have a cure that is Better than cancer. It has an eternal impact that covers every disease, every problem, every hurt, every lie, every broken relationship, all pain, and so much more...

  Are we reaching out to others with our knowledge? Am I reaching? I know so many people who have not yet grabbed a hold of this cure. Yet, am I sharing it with them? I am all about building a relationship with someone before having some serious, heart searching conversations. However, do I wait too long? Do I let fear get in the way? Am I truly listening to the Holy Spirit's guidance?

  I know the answer is not what I would like it to be. I am human and I fail so many times. I ignore God's voice more often that I would like to admit. Yet listening to this song yesterday I was encouraged.

  With tears streaming down my face I was thinking of some very specific people who are missing out on the Father's love. They are missing out on the cure. They may have never found it desirable, applicable to their lives, or they may have walked away from it. No matter the reason, if you have not yet experienced the Father's deep, deep, reckless love for you, you are on my heart. I am thinking of you when I hear this song and I am lifting your name up to the Father. May you know the Father's reckless love. May every doubt and every hurt be washed away. May this song speak to you in a way that you aren't expecting. May you be in awe of the Father's love.

  Thank you for taking the time to hear my heart. I am sorry for every time I have ignored my Father speaking to me. Thankfully, as the lyrics say, this reckless love "fights 'til I'm found." This mean Jesus is not limited by my mistakes, or yours. He "fights 'til I'm found," til you are found, til we are all found. He is reckless and never ending!!!!! He wants to tear down every wall you and I have built up. He wants to tear down every lie you and I have been believing and replace it with truth!

Reckless Love

Cory Asbury

Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me

You have been so, so good to me

Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me

You have been so, so kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me

You have been so, so good to me

When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me

You have been so, so kind to me

And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

And I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

There's no shadow You won't light up

Mountain You won't climb up

Coming after me

There's no wall You won't kick down

Lie You won't tear down

Coming after me

(x4)

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

And I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

*Click the song title for a link to the song*

Give Me Faith

   I have a song to share with you today. It is on my labor playlist to listen to during the whole labor experience. :-) Today this song just took on a whole new meaning as I left my OB appointment.

  I am 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my first child. I am positive that my baby had been head down for quite a while. (I could be wrong though). However, today it was discovered that my baby is head up. After the midwife checked I was sent over to get a sonogram which confirmed this to be true. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a doctor to discuss the option of trying to turn baby around. If that does not work the next option is that I will have to have a c-section.

 This is not a horrible option, I know. Baby is strong and healthy. Baby's heart is great. Baby is just not in the correct labor position.

  I was planning on a natural birth. I wanted to stay out of the hospital. I definitely wanted to avoid a c-section. This is still a possibility, but the options are a little scary. I could start freaking out. I could be mad at God (for not following my plans). I could be nervous about what could be to come.

  However, I choose to sit and trust in Him. I am asking Him for His faith and His strength. I am choosing to trust in His protection over baby and myself. Thus, the song "Give Me Faith" is really resonating with me today.

  I am thinking I am not the only one who needs to hear this song today. I am not the only one facing something scary. If this song is for you, may the words really reach out and comfort you in this time. Let us ask the one who holds all things in His hand to give us faith to trust in Him through the unknown. He will truly never EVER fail us!!!

Give Me Faith

Elevation Worship

I need you to soften my heart

And break me apart

I need you to open my eyes

To see that You're shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say

That you're good and your love is great

I'm broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart

And break me apart

I need you to pierce through the dark

And cleanse every part of me

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say

That you're good and your love is great

I'm broken inside, I give you my life

'Cause I may be weak

But Your spirit strong in me

My flesh may fail

My God you never will 

I may be weak

But Your spirit strong in me

My flesh may fail

My God you never will

Give me faith to trust what you say

That you're good and your love is great

I'm broken inside, I give you my life

Give me faith to trust what you say

That you're good and your love is great

I'm broken inside, I give you my life

'Cause I may be weak

But Your spirit strong in me

My flesh may fail

My God you never will 

I may be weak

But Your spirit strong in me

My flesh may fail

My God you never will

In the Midst of the Storm

  I love sharing stories of what God has done in my life. However, I love sharing them after they are complete. I like having resolutions. I like when the mess is cleaned up. It is easy to share my story then. It is so much harder to share what God is doing when He is STILL working, when I do not know what the finish line looks like.

  My pastor recently spoke on Peace, in the MIDST of the storm. He was reminding us that peace is not the absence of problems. However, it is something God brings to us while we are still facing problems. That being said, I felt God asking me to share a struggle with you that I am currently dealing with. I do not have a pretty bow wrapped on the situation. I am struggling to put my trust in the Lord, daily. I have no idea how it will turn out. This post is part of my declaration of faith. I know that God will come through for me. I do not know how or when, but I know that He WILL. He always has before, so why should He fail me now? He won't, so I chose to trust in Him.

  In case you missed the news, I am pregnant. 8 months pregnant to be exact. As I type this my due date is less than one month away. Baby McNeal will be here in the upcoming year and Jeremy and I are so excited to meet our little one!! However, I am not sure how we are going to pay for this precious gift. I had insurance when I first found out I was pregnant and that insurance ended a few months into the pregnancy. I took my time doing research and when I finally decided where to start the enrollment process they told me I was not eligible to enroll. Thus I had to wait until open enrollment. I picked an insurance plan that is to start on January 1st. As baby is not due to arrive until the end of the month this should be okay, right? ;-)

  The bad news is that my insurance plan does not accept all hospitals in the area. Due to unfortunate circumstances in the marketplace there were only two options, neither of them that great. The plan I chose is the better of the two, but, at the moment, it still does not accept the clinic I am planning to give birth at. I have already switched my doctor/hospital around once and I really do not want to do so again, this late in the pregnancy. I chose my insurance plan because the clinic said they would get this insurance. The process has proven more difficult than we all originally thought it would be. The insurance company is not wanting to take the time to prioritize the clinic, thus I am left in a waiting game. Do I stay where I am, knowing that I do not personally have the money to pay for this entire birth without insurance? Do I change doctors/hospitals yet again, in this last month? Do I stay or do I wait?

  At the moment I am choosing to wait, yet it is a terrifying feeling. I do not know how exactly we will pay for this birth. Even if they allow us to pay the fees in stages, we will not have the income to pay for those later payments. We are trying to find a way to afford insurance for all three of us as it is. Our finances are tight. Extremely tight. We will basically be able to pay our bills and nothing else. No wiggle room. Lots of trusting in the Lord.

  A question my pastor asked recently is whether I am trusting in God or in money. This hit me SO hard. I truly enjoy saving money for the future. When that money gets taken away and the option to save gets taken away, I get uncomfortable. Sadly, I prefer trusting in my own ability to save money more than I prefer to trust in God for my finances. I feel safer relying on myself. I have NO idea why. My finances are limited. They are finite. God is limitless. He is infinite. He is beyond my comprehension. His power and His resources know no end.

  Thus, as I do not know how God is going to come through, I choose to trust in Him. His answer may mean that I switch doctors once again. His answer may mean that I have to let go of my desire to have the baby in a birth clinic rather than a hospital. His answer may mean that we go into debt that we do not know how to pay back. His answer may mean that He opens the door for my insurance to work with my clinic. It may mean so many different things. No matter what it means, I choose to trust in Him. My faithful provider. My father who has never let me down. I choose to to trust in what I cannot see. Even if....

  What are the big obstacles in your way right now? What circumstance, what situation, are you facing that you have no solution for? What can you let go of and give to God? Let us trust together for the impossible to happen! Let us choose to embrace His peace in the MIDST of the storm.

Was That REALLY You God?

  Have you ever wondered if that brilliant idea in your head was really from God, or if it was just an idea you came up with on your own? I have, countless times. Sometimes it happens with really small things, like holding the door open for someone or saying a word of encouragement. Sometimes it happens with bigger things like asking someone if I can pray with them. Then, sometimes it happens with things that I feel are REALLY big, like deciding where to live.

  Last year, in October, Jeremy and I felt the Lord calling us to step into the unknown with our housing situation. We had heard of this incredible housing opportunity from friends, a cooperation, and we really believed God was asking us to try and get into it. If you have never heard of a housing cooperation before, it is a mix between renting and owning. You pay an equity down on the townhouse, kind of like a mini mortgage, and then you pay super cheap rent (compared to the area). The benefits of both of these options merged together is that you can treat the townhouse a lot like your own, making changes to it where you so desire. You do need permission for bigger changes like tearing out flooring or a wall. However, you also receive benefits of renting, with basic maintenance needs like furnace servicing, lawn mowing and leaf removal being taken care of for you. For young families starting out, it is a GREAT option. You pay a lower rent so you can save for a down payment on a house and you get a great amount of space for the price you pay.

  Jeremy and I were living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time. A small one-bedroom apartment with little to no storage space. We were trying to save money for our future, yet not having a ton of leeway to do so. As we approached the middle of our lease on our apartment we felt God stretching us into this new opportunity. I call it stretching because it really is not usually so simple to move into this cooperation. Rather, you have to go door-to-door passing out flyers to let people know you want to move in. Or, you have to know someone moving out. There is a 'waiting' list, but it isn't used, and the office really does not like working from it.

  And so, we began a journey of going door-to-door to pass out flyers and speaking with those living in the townhouses already. This was extremely taxing on our marriage. To say it was difficult was putting it nicely. I was mostly uncomfortable talking to strangers, but my husband was extremely uncomfortable with the idea, and would not do it at first. We learned how to work with our strengths and get through the process. We tried this two times with literally NO results. We waited a month or so in between, thus cutting down the time we had left on our apartment lease.

  We had also felt the Lord asking us to prayer circles around our request. This idea was spurred on by The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Thus, we began a nightly walk around the cooperation, praying for God's will to be done and praying as well for the people who lived in the cooperation and the person/family that would allow us to move into their townhouse. We did this for a few months and did not see physical results. However, we began to fall in love with the neighborhood. We met several incredible individuals along the way that we built a little relationship with. We stretched ourselves and were obedient to the Lord.

  Yet, we did NOT "see" results. We reached the date where we had to put a notice in at our apartment for our lease, to renew or cancel. We still felt called in this new direction, thus we chose not to renew our lease. After another two months with no leads we had to go back to the office and ask for a small extension on our lease. We were definitely struggling to believe that we had originally heard from God. To make things more difficult, we talked with several friends, or strangers, who had moved into the cooperation. Their stories made it so evident that God had literally opened the door for them to move in. That was not the case for us. It was discouraging. We wanted to give up. But giving up did not seem right. We are not quitters.

  Thus, we prayed and decided we would give it one more go around. We told God that we thought we were acting in faith, but we had not seen any answers. Thus, if He wanted us to live at Westerfield He had to open the door for us. We could not do it on our own. He needed to prove Himself, or we would let go of our dream, trusting that it meant He wanted something different for us.

  I passed out flyers on last time on my own during the week, Ash Wednesday, to be exact. Our church had a service that evening that we attended. I was in tears the entire service and felt frustrated and hopeless. Yet I also felt freedom, in knowing that we had left the dream in God's hands. It was up to Him, yea or nea.

 A week later Jeremy had a phone call from a young lady who was moving out. She wanted to meet with us. We went to her home and by the end of the visit we all knew that this was exactly the home God had for us. The lady had literally been praying for a young Christian couple who was just starting out to be the ones to move in. We were/are exactly that. God had answered our prayers!!  

 Several months later we moved in. The timing was definitely NOT what we had expected or hoped for. We had difficulties in timing even after we found the right place and had to find temporary housing while we waited even longer. Nothing about this journey went the way we had hoped or desired. However, it went exactly the way it was supposed to. God knew/knows what we need so much more than we do. The day we moved into our townhouse it felt like home. The place was covered in boxes, yet it was home in a way that our apartment never was.

 We absolutely love our home now. It has a second room, perfect for the arrival of our new baby. It has storage space we did not have before. It has a kitchen that is 3-4 times the size of the one in our apartment. We have a basement. We have a designated parking spot. We have neighbors that we love and are building friendships with. It has everything we hoped for, and so much more.

  It is exactly what God had in mind for us. If we had not spent so much time waiting, trusting in the Lord, passing out flyers, and praying around Westerfield, we would not love it as we do. Our timing was definitely not God's timing. His timing was so much better. We learned about the Lord's faithfulness, timing, and provision through this experience. We learned anew what it means to trust in Him daily. We struggled to believe we had heard from the Lord. Once we truly let go and let Him take over, we saw the fruit in our lives. This has been a hard journey, but one we would never exchange for something easier.

  Are you feeling like God has given you hopes and dreams, promises for the future, yet you have not seen any results yet? Please, do not give up. Ask Him to reveal Himself in a different way. Ask Him to show you what is in the way. The answer could honestly be that it is not in His plan for you. Maybe God has something different in store for you. I promise you, if it is different than what you have in your head, it will be so much better. God does not have it in His nature to disappoint us. His promises are yes and amen. He always takes care of His children. You, my friend, are His child, whether you think so or not. He loves you and He will take care of you. I promise. :-)

A Perspective Shift

  This past year has been a year of abundance. However, it has also been one of the hardest years of my life. SO much has changed for me, all in a short period of time. (I got married. I moved cities, away from family. I switched jobs. I started an internship. I had to make new friends. I transitioned from a house to an apartment. I switched churches) I am one who takes time to adjust to change. I welcome it, yet I fight it. This time I fought hard, although at the time I did not realize how hard I fought it. I could not find the sense of peace or gratitude that I knew I should have had. I was too busy focusing on my lack thereof and my longings for the old, rather than embracing the new.

  My dear husband had the patience to stand with me through it all and offer me the best support he could. However, he was not the key to my change. What I needed most was to change my thoughts. To continually hand them over to God and take in His truth for my life. I needed to trust in my heavenly Father, knowing that He has NEVER failed me before, so why should He suddenly do so now? He did not and He would not have. It's just not in His nature. Yet I forgot because I was focused on the difficult time I was in, rather than embracing the change for what it was and what God had in store for me.

  A month ago I realized that my perspective had finally shifted. Gradually, little by little, I was able to turn to God. I was able to fight against the lies of the enemy that told me I did not belong where I was. The lies that told me to go "home". Go back to where I came. Give up. Let go. Stop trying to fit in where you do not belong. No one wants to be your friend. Do not embrace the change; it will only hurt you. Such ugly lies, yet I felt trapped in them.

 I am a new person now. Nothing much has changed, yet everything has. Here is a sample into a recent journal entry I wrote to God about the change.

(Don't mind the extra stuff in the photo)

 Hi there God! It's a little after 5am. I've been up since 4:30am and I can't sleep. This Wednesday is the Living Hope Membership class, take 2 for me. Thus my mind and thoughts have been centered on this past year. God, you have taken me so far in this past year. So far. I LOVE where I am! I love my husband. I love this city (I seriously want an Olathe proud t-shirt). I love my church. I love my pastor. I love this baby growing inside of me. I even love my job! I love the friends I am building here. I love that I can stretch myself again as I used to be able to. I can find people at church that I don't know and introduce myself. I can build relationships. I can create belonging. I can walk peacefully and confidently in what you have for me. I can connect with neighbors. I can invite/encourage other women to attend the retreat. I can host a small group gathering at my house. I can create belonging wherever I go. I can connect with strangers at the store. I can thrive where I am. I can love the place you have called me to! I am abundantly blessed. And the funny thing is, I have no idea when all of this changed inside of me. I just know that it has. Thank you Lord. From the deepest places of my heart, thank you!
 
  My pastor is doing a sermon series called "Metamorphosis" right now about breaking out of the cocoons we have gotten stuck in, be they emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. Something he has said a couple of times has truly resonated with me after this past year I have had. "The way I think determines how I feel. How I feel determines how I act."

  So much truth packed into those two sentences. We hold ourselves prisoners to our circumstances so often, when we do NOT need to. What are you holding on to right now that is unnecessary? That is holding you back? Is it a lie? Is it a past experience? Is it a lack of something? Is it a fear? A failure? Doubts? Ask God to open your eyes to what it is. He will not fail you. He will walk you through and help you to overcome. He wants you to live, to Really live and thrive, rather than remain trapped inside of your cocoons. Let us be butterflies rather than caterpillars.

Music Monday // Peace Be Still

   I have been really wanting to/feeling led by the Lord to get back into blog writing. I do not know how often it will be, but I aim to be more consistent. I know my struggles, my trials, and the things God does in and through them can be a source of encouragement to others. So, why would I keep them to myself?

   To start off, I thought I'd share a song I literally just encountered today. Ironically, the timing could not be more perfect. It's all God. The song is "Peace Be Still" by The Belonging Co (feat. Lauren Daigle). This season, and today in particular, I am in the midst of the unknown. I have no insurance, and not for lack of trying. I am 24 weeks pregnant (so wonderful!!), so I kind of really need it. I have a REALLY expensive heart doctor appointment next week that I am not quite sure how I am going to pay. I have a few things to stress me out in this time. And yet, I hear the Lord telling me "peace be still."
   My heart cry is just as the song says "I don't want to be afraid every time I face the waves....I don't want to fear the storm just because I hear it roar." I want to declare God's truth. I want to cling to His promises and rest in His peace. Not my own lack of it. "Peace be still...I'm not gonna be afraid 'cause these waves are only waves....I'm not gonna fear the storm, you are greater than it's roar..."

  May you be encouraged by this song today, just as I was and I am. Turn your eyes away from the storm you may be facing. Rest upon promises and reminders of God's peace, strength, and power in your life. Today and always. No matter how big or small your storm is. He is peace. Be still. 

Peace Be Still

The Belonging Co

feat. Lauren Daigle

I don't want to be afraid
Every time I face the waves
I don't want to be afraid, I don't want to be afraid
I don't want to fear the storm just because I hear the roar
I don't want to fear the storm, I don't want to fear the storm

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea, till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see, I will trust the voice that speaks

I'm not gonna be afraid 'cause these waves are only waves
I'm not gonna be afraid, I'm not gonna be afraid
I'm not gonna fear the storm
You are greater than its roar
I'm not gonna fear the storm
I'm not gonna fear at all

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea, till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see, I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, peace
Over me

Let faith rise up
Oh heart, believe
Let faith rise up in me (x4)

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea, till I'm dancing in the deep

Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see, I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, peace
Over me
Peace, peace
Over me

We don't have to fear, we don't have to worry
'Cause He is good, all the time (x2)

Listen to "Peace Be Still"

Faith + Fear = Normal

Here are some thoughts from my journal that I wanted to share with you.

Abraham's life is full of faith, yet it is also full of fear.

He trusted the Lord enough to leave his family and head to a foreign land. He traveled over 1000 miles, never to return. Family visits were not an option for him. He left with the confidence that he would never see his relatives, including his own parents, again. He trusted the Lord enough to offer up his promised son, Isaac. This son was supposed to be the key to Abraham's numerous descendants. This was the son that had caused Abraham and Sarah to wait over twenty-five years from the time of the Lord's promise to the time of Isaac's birth. Abraham trusted God. Abraham had faith enough to be willing to offer his son to the Lord (the Lord spared Isaac's life in a wonderful turn of events).

YET...

....he (Abraham) was fearful and failed to trust the Lord to protect him and his wife as they entered new lands, so he lied and said that Sarah was only his sister. Multiple times. Abraham was afraid. He failed to trust in the Lord. Abraham also doubted the Lord's promise of numerous descendants and slept with his wife's maidservant when Sarah suggested that was the key to the fulfillment of the Lord's promise, rather than actually waiting on the Lord. He was afraid that the Lord would not fulfill His promise.

Through all of the doubts, Abraham is known as a man of faith. He even makes it into Hebrews 11, the "faith chapter." However, he did not make it in because he was perfect or because he was never afraid.

This is such a reminder that God does not only look at our faults and our failures. He sees our heart. What is the yearning of our heart? Is it to live life as we see fit or is it to strive for obedience to the Lord, amidst our doubts, insecurities, and imperfections?

I, for one, am so thankful that God sees not only my actions, but also my heart. He does not focus on the fact that I may have failed Him one thousand times before. He sees that I desire Him. He sees that I desire to honor Him, to seek Him, and to obey Him. That is what matters to the Lord. The fear factor is not the end all, be all. God sees my heart.

He sees yours as well. Do you feel like you have failed too many times? Take heart. Even the most well known biblical characters are full of regrets, fears, and failures. Yet God used them! :)

He'll use you and me as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worth the Wait

It's been a while since my last post....over a year in fact. I thought it was time for an update on my life now. If you've read any old posts of mine, I've talked about my struggle with waiting on the Lord. It has not always been an easy journey. Sometimes I could understand what the Lord was asking me to do. Other times I did not see His plan at work or understand and I was tired of waiting (in regards to dating in particular).

Well, all of my waiting was entirely WORTH THE WAIT. Every single moment of it. The Lord has blessed me with the most incredible man in my life. My husband, Jeremy. We have been married six and a half months now and every day I feel incredibly blessed. I am constantly blown away by the Lord. By the MAN He has given me. I did not have to settle for a boy who does not know how to treat me. I found a man who loves the Lord, loves me, and my family. He respects me. He is kind. He is patient. He is loyal. He is a servant (he cooks and cleans and is so helpful around the house). He encourages me. He sticks by my side through all of my moods. He takes care of me when I am sick. I am blessed and I am blown away by the Lord's faithfulness. He is never failing. He is always at work. He gives me far more than I could ever hope for or imagine. He truly does fight for me.

 He'll do the same for you as well. He is not slow in keeping His promises. He never forgets. When it feels like He has forgotten, hold on. He is there. I watched a movie last night that had a great line in it: "When you're going through something really hard, the teacher is always quiet during the test." It does not mean that God is not with you. He is there, but sometimes we have to push through. Sometimes we have to wait it out. The reward is so much sweeter when we do. We need to be ready. We may not understand why the timing is not our own. But know this, the Lord knows. He truly does. He has a far better imagination and plan than we could even dream up. So trust in Him. If you feel He is far away or He is failing you, ask Him to remind you of His hand at work in your life. He will do it. He is faithful. His plan is ALWAYS worth the wait.

"God can do anything, you know

- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request

in your wildest dreams! 

He does it not by pushing us around

but by working within us,

His Spirit deeply and gently within us."

Ephesians 3:20 (Message)

 

 

 

 

 

 *Photos compliments of Molly Harmon Photography*

All Men are Broken

We are all broken or have been broken in our past. Some of the things that have broken us are small and some are large. Yet all of us carry some kind of wound that is in need of healing. We all also have such potential for healing.

I don't know why, but I was listening to a song tonight and I just felt compelled to post the lyrics to it.

Maybe you've been hurt by your father or maybe you've been hurt by someone completely different. Either way this song could apply to you. Broken people break people. Let's break the cycle. How about healed people share their healing with other people!?

God has the power to bring healing to even the most broken situations. He has the power to break every chain that has been placed upon our lives. He's kind of, most positively, definitely, in the business of healing and restoration!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Men are Broken
Misty Edwards
YouTube version

I hear Him singing over you
And some of you I hear him saying your name
Saying your name
He says to you
I'm not like your father
Listen my beloved one

I'm not like your father
'Cause, even the best of them are just broken brothers
Listen my child
Listen to me

I am not like your father
Why are you putting that on me?
Listen, listen
I'm not like your father
I'm not like your father
'Cause, even the best of them are just broken brothers
Listen

For all men are broken
And broken men break their children
Who grow up to be broken men
But I'm bigger than that
Listen
I'm bigger than that

All men are broken
And broken men break their children
Who grow up to be broken men
But I'm bigger than that
Come to Me
I'm bigger than that

I am not like your father
And some of you have been so afraid of
Repeating the same mistakes that fear has your frozen
But listen, listen
I have the power to change things
And I have the power to make you new
And I have power to rearrange that same old chain
And listen

You're not like your father
It's a new day
It's a new day
You're not like your father
And the sins of your fathers
And their fathers
And their fathers
And their fathers fathers will not be on you
Just keep on
Keep on coming
Keep on coming
Keep on coming
Keep on coming

Listen my beloved one

All men are broken
And broken men break their children
Who grow up to be broken men
But listen
I'm bigger than that

You've got to let your fathers go
Your fathers were broken by their fathers
Who were broken by their fathers
Their fathers and their fathers
On and on and on and on
We're all in this together
There's only one good Father
There's only one good Father
He's the father of all of creation
He's the father of lights
The father of glory
And He loves us so well

And all he says is

Everything is in My hands
It's gonna to be alright
It's gonna to be alright
You're gonna to be ok
No regrets
Everything is in My hands
It's gonna to be alright
You're gonna to be ok
And some of you have been so full of regret
But your babies are my babies
Listen, Your babies are My babies
And I will be the Father
'Cause, Your babies are My babies

I'm gonna to turn it all around
just wait and see
I'm gonna to make everything beautiful
just in time
I am gonna to turn it all around
Just wait and see
No regrets
I am gonna to make everything beautiful
Just in time

Activating Strength

"Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received!"  
2 Peter 1:3 (MSG)

The great thing about life is, we get to choose. Sometimes this means that we walk in the strength of the Lord, in the gifts He has given us. Sometimes that means that we walk in our own strength, surrounded by fears, worries, and frustrations.

Friends, I learned something while in Colorado that has stuck with me ever since. A classmate was praying and said something along the lines of "I pray that God would be with us." One of our leaders commented afterwards that we don't need to pray prayers like this.

God is always with us. He has already given us the strength we need. And the boldness.  And the courage. And the patience. We just need to choose to walk in His strength. We just need to remember that He is with us. He is the Immanuel God. He is with us. Always.

He is a gentlemen to the highest regard. He knows what we need, yet He never forces it on us. He allows us to choose. He allows us to take steps toward Him. This is what makes our love stories with Jesus so amazing. He gently woos us. Sometimes He speaks a little louder. Yet He doesn't force Himself on us. The choice is always up to us. He longs for us to choose Him. He allows us to choose Him. He is waiting for us.

So next time you pray remember that God is already with you. He is just waiting for you to turn to Him. He is waiting for you to walk in His strength. He is just waiting to pour His strength out on you. He wants to do your life with you. He doesn't want you to struggle alone. He wants to be your strength.

Next time you face something insurmountable will you attempt to walk alone or will you walk in the strength of the Lord? Will you activate His strength in your life?

Lessons Learned from a Deer

Eight months ago something happened to me that I wouldn't wish on anybody.

I hit a deer.

I was driving home late one night from out of town and a deer came out onto the side of the road. I had about five different thought trains running through my head but in those few seconds I decided it would be best to hit the deer head on rather than swerve and end up off in a ditch somewhere. That is what I ended up doing.

I hit the deer head on.

God is so amazing guys. Truly spectacular.

My car didn't swerve at all when I hit the deer. I pulled over onto the side of the road, saw that my car was pretty smashed, and then I got back in and decided to keep driving home. It turns out that I lost power steering but I didn't know it until I was exiting the highway via an extremely curvy ramp. That was a scary feeling. Somehow I was able to force the wheel in time to make the turn and I made it home safely.

Like I said my car was pretty banged up. I was able to get the car fixed shortly after so that I could drive it again, but I still need to get the car painted.I've been hesitant to do so because I learned something through this accident.

First, God's protection over my life is amazing. I didn't suffer any aches or pains from the impact. I was completely fine. I have known several people who have had pretty severe injuries from colliding with a deer, as severe as death. I was completely fine. God was watching over me.

So my next statement may seem a little strange....but I honestly believe that God put that deer in my path.

I needed it. I was headed down a dangerous path.

You see I met a guy two months before that who seemed great. We started dating. It was good at first but it turned out to be the worst experience of my life. He was verbally and emotionally abuse. He kept pushing me to do things that I didn't want to do.

I didn't realize it at the time. He had begun to pull me away from those close to me. He demanded too much of my time and of myself. I had/have very unique boundaries for dating. He "honored" those but he pushed in so many other ways that it got to the point where it was a joke to say that my boundaries were still intact. Although I still had them what had happened was actually worse.

I felt trapped and I didn't know how to get out. I prayed and asked God for help. I was confused. He told me that the truth would come to light, whether it was what I wanted to hear or not. I kept trying to get away, but I wasn't brave enough. I wasn't strong enough on my own. My words came, but they were ignored. They were belittled and I felt like I had to stay. So I did. I was trapped.

Then one day I hit a deer.

As I drove home I specifically felt God telling me that He had protected me yet allowed this to happen to show me that if I remained on this path it would lead to destruction. It would end badly. It would be far worse than my car was after the impact. He was using the deer as a wake-up call. A cry to get me out.

In that moment it was like a light bulb came on, in another room. I could feel truth beginning to set in, but it hadn't quite hit me yet. A week later God literally flipped the switch on my personal light and I was able to see the truth. I was able to see the situation for what it was and I got out. As fast as I could.

I got my car fixed soon after. I got a new hood and a new fender. The frame was pushed back into place. I bought parts that didn't match my car's paint color however and I didn't get them painted yet.

I was relating the restoration of my car in terms of my personal restoration. I was set free. The pieces were beginning to be put back into place. However the healing process from a situation like this doesn't happen over night. I was in the process of receiving healing.

I wanted my car to be a reminder to me of that journey. So I let the colors remain unmatched. I was still healing. I am still healing. Although that relationship only lasted two months it did a lot of damage. Just like that deer. The impact was brief yet the results were quite damaging. Over the course of these last eight months I have experienced so much healing. Enough that I was ready to paint my car a few months back. The paint color doesn't match perfectly however. My scars will remain. Not in a bad way, but in a way that says 'look what God has done in my life. I was (and still am) a broken individual in need of a Savior. God came through. He brought healing yet I will never forget what happened.'

I'm so thankful for my collision with a deer. It helped me get back to where I needed to be. I am so much stronger now. I have tools to fight. I also have an increased awareness of the difficulties individuals in abusive relationships have in getting out. It is hard. It is so hard. Yet freedom is possible. Healing and restoration are possible.

What hurt have you gone through in your life? What scars do you have? It can be hard not to be frustrated or embarrassed at the sight of scars. Don't let them get you down. Let them be reminders. Reminders of where you have been and what you have overcome. Today you are so much stronger. Healing and
restoration are possible!

"It ain't a dead end if it takes you somewhere you needed to go." -from the movie Unconditional

Hello Southwest Publishing!

Today marks an anniversary for me.

Exactly one year ago today I started my job at Southwest Publishing and Mailing Corporation.

This job, like every other job I have had is a God kind of job. He opened the door for me to walk in and He gave me the boldness to continue to go back day after day.

If you follow my blog you'll know that November of 2013 I felt like God was asking me to jump off of the cliff into the great unknown with Him. That specifically meant that I quit my job of five years at Billy Vanilly Cupcakes and took a month to just seek His face and trust Him. I didn't have a job lined up when I left Billy Vanilly. I had an idea of a field I was headed into but that was it.

My last position at Billy Vanilly allowed me to work in the office paying bills and organizing information. I was really enjoying this, especially as I was going to school at the time for a business degree. So when my month of rest was over I applied at a few places. I had never heard of Southwest when I saw the advertisement, but the job description sounded right up my alley. I prayed, got an okay, and then I applied. The next day I got an email from the guy doing the hiring to set up an interview.

Before I began to search for jobs I prayed and asked God for a few specifics in my new job. I wanted to work in an office. I really didn't want to have to wear a uniform (I definitely had to at my previous jobs). I wanted to have weekends off as I had worked pretty much every weekend at my previous jobs. I also asked God to allow me to make the same amount of money that I had made when I left Billy Vanilly. I wasn't too sure if he would answer that one as I would be starting at the bottom of the ladder.

When I went to my interview I told God that it would be a big sign to me if this was the place He wanted me if they would allow me to work more than the sixteen hours they had posted. If they were really strict about the hours it wouldn't work for me.

In my interview I was immediately told that the position could actually be long term rather than a one semester internship. I was also told that I had to at least work sixteen hours, but I would be more than welcome to work more than that if I wanted. After more discussion I felt pretty peaceful when I walked out of the interview. I did my best and God would take care of the rest if that was where He wanted me.

It turns out that God wanted me at Southwest Publishing. He answered every single one of my prayers. I even started at Exactly what I made when I left my last job. He answered more prayers that I can't actually remember right now. He's just good. Sooooo good.

I had a hard time adjusting to life at Southwest Publishing because the environment is night and day different from a cupcake store. On my first day filling out paperwork I heard over the intercom the name of someone that I used to go to church with. I was thrilled when it really turned out to be him, especially because Southwest can be considered a rough place to work and there are not very many people who desire to follow Jesus there. 

Let's just say Southwest was nothing like I expected.At times at the beginning I would walk around the plant and I was just amazed at God's hand at work. I have been through some rather horrible situations in life that I would never wish on anyone else. Because of those a place like Southwest, with a lot of rough characters, especially men, would have terrified me, if it hadn't been for God's healing in my life. This job has been a sign to me that God has healed me. I am not the quiet and terrified girl that I used to be. I am a bold woman of God. I have had incredible opportunities to share my faith with my co-workers. I have opportunities to become friends with people I never would have expected to be friends with. God is incredible.

This job has also been a big part in opening the door for me to enter the field of social work. If I hadn't begun this journey and taken this job I would not be where I am today. God is good. Soooo good. He has blessed me beyond words. Southwest Publishing is a place I never expected to be, yet I love it so much. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I plan to be here a while (if God lets me stay!).

Thank you Jesus for being there to catch me when I jumped off the cliff into the unknown. Your ocean is
incredible!

A Goooood Year

 Hello friends! It's been a while since I've written on here. About six months to be exact. I've had plenty to talk about, I just haven't been able to write. I just checked and I have about four different blog posts I started and never finished. I'm finishing this one. ;-)

 I love God. I love how He works in my life, even when I don't actually like it. Make sense!? Earlier in the year I made the statement that 2014 was going to be a good year. I didn't know what exactly that was going to entail, I just knew it was going to be big. Oooh boy was it!

I switched jobs in 2014. If you remember from an older post I really felt like God was telling me to quit my job at the cupcake store and jump off of the cliff into the unknown with him. I didn't know what He had next. I just knew I was supposed to jump. It has turned out incredibly in that. I'm going to share specifics about my job at Southwest Publishing later but God blessed me Over and Above what I was expecting, just like He always does. ;-)

I switched majors in 2014. I've been going to school since I started at Washburn for business. My new job, which is in accounting and office work, has helped me to decide that I don't want to remain in this field for a career. After much prayer and counsel I decided to switch to Social Work. It's only been a semester of those classes, but I already believe this is exactly where God wants me. My heart matches up with what Social Work is about. Every day I went to class confirmed this to me. It's been so beautiful! Again, I love how God works. I have two and a half years left of college instead of one year because of this major switch, however I know it will be worth it in the end. My schooling is not on a typical schedule, but when has anything in my life been typical?

I had my first boyfriend AND my first breakup in 2014. It did not go the way I wanted it to at all. I have so much to say about that experience. I've learned so much. It was rough, extremely rough. I was frustrated with God about the whole experience, but He revealed truth to me which has completely changed my perspective. First and foremost it has revealed to me once again how great God's protection is over my life. He has a full-time job watching over me. The biggest thing I could share to something else from this is to watch out for red flags. Do not discard them. Don't freak out about every little thing, but if words and actions do not line up there is most likely a reason for that. Truth and respect are vital in a relationship. If God is speaking, do not discard His words. He speaks in so many different ways and He often uses other people. Listen when that happens. Take it to God, but know that He has placed other people in your life for a reason. We often can't think clearly when we are in certain situations and others can see what we can't see. Relationships are a beautiful thing and the people God has placed in our life are beautiful. Make sure to remember to thank them for the difference they make in your life!! 

I filled out a FAFSA in 2014. That may seem a little small to some, but it was huge for me. It was a letting go of pride for me. I always wanted to finish school debt free, but I became too focused on my own accomplishment in this. I got caught up in what I was doing, not what God was doing. So I felt like God was telling me to let go of some pride and apply for financial aid. I wouldn't have been able to go full-time without it, but I soooo did not want to receive any loans. However, I decided it was time to look into them. As I stepped out in this I found out that I am receiving a Federal Pell Grant. It is for this upcoming semester AND last semester. Since I pay as I go this means that I got a check back in the mail which I can apply to next semester. The amount is enough that I will be going full-time next semester and I still don't have to use any loans. Wow. The deadline for financial aid for the year is February 15th, and I filled this out in November. Wayyy behind schedule. However, God is so incredible and has blessed me financially time and time again. It's amazing really. He blows my mind every day. Every single day.

These are just a few of the things that happened in my life in 2014. The big things. I have so many little things that happened as well. I have a few things that are beginning now or changing for 2015 which I may share in due time. I don't know what the future is, but I know that it is good. Despite the hard, God's plan is good. He has my best in store. My plans include good, which sometimes turn to bad. However God's plan is best. Because He knows all. I only see today, and maybe tomorrow. He sees the whole story. He knows. I can trust in Him. :)

Happy 2015!! I can't wait to see what it holds for me AND for you!!

Thankful for this beautiful family!