Thursday, September 6, 2018

From the Mouth of Babes

  I am a mother now. I have a beautiful, precious, and joyous growing girl. She has brought about sooooo many changes in my life. One of my favorites is the ability to understand and relate to the Lord in a whole new way. I see Him in a way I never could have understood before I became a mother. I see and experience new truths because of Evelyn. 

  I want to share with you one of the traits I have already seen exhibited in my sweet baby girl. She IS a Prayer Warrior. She talks to God and already has been for quite some time.    



  I know, you might be thinking....Stef, there is no way to know that for sure. She is just babbling. She doesn't form actual words yet. However....

  I have had a few specific times with Evelyn that I have already seen her talking to the Lord. In both instances she was pretty silent until someone started praying. As soon as the prayers began, she became animated and began talking up a storm. You'll just have to take my word for it, but if you had been in the room at that moment you would have seen the change in Evie and wondered if she might possibly be talking to the Lord along with the adult praying. Is that even possible??

Well, it says in Psalm 8:2 that “from the mouths of children and babies come songs of praise to you. They sing of your power to silence your enemies who were seeking revenge.” I think we, myself included, can so easily discount what babies are saying. We can't understand them. The words sound like babble. They are learning to talk, but surely they aren't actually holding conversations or praying? That's crazy talk!

However, the Word of God literally says "from the mouths of children and babies come songs of praise to you. They sing of your power to silence your enemies who were seeking revenge.”

Let us not discount the words of those sweet littles. There is so much power in our words, babies included. Let us believe the words of 1 Timothy 4:12 that declare "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." Let us believe this right down to those tiny babes, because, out of the mouth of babes comes strength!!!!! 

Monday, March 19, 2018

Music Monday // Reckless Love

  Yesterday at church we sang this powerful song, Reckless Love. It was not the first time I have heard it, but reading the lyrics as we sang along, made it all the more meaningful. All the more beautiful.

  Pastor John's sermon was titled "Reaching." If one of us had the cure to cancer, we would NOT be keeping it to ourselves. We would be telling medical personnel, who can get it to all those in need. We would be telling EVERYONE we knew who was affected by it. We would not keep that information to ourselves. As believers, we have a cure that is Better than cancer. It has an eternal impact that covers every disease, every problem, every hurt, every lie, every broken relationship, all pain, and so much more...

  Are we reaching out to others with our knowledge? Am I reaching? I know so many people who have not yet grabbed a hold of this cure. Yet, am I sharing it with them? I am all about building a relationship with someone before having some serious, heart searching conversations. However, do I wait too long? Do I let fear get in the way? Am I truly listening to the Holy Spirit's guidance?

  I know the answer is not what I would like it to be. I am human and I fail so many times. I ignore God's voice more often that I would like to admit. Yet listening to this song yesterday I was encouraged.

  With tears streaming down my face I was thinking of some very specific people who are missing out on the Father's love. They are missing out on the cure. They may have never found it desirable, applicable to their lives, or they may have walked away from it. No matter the reason, if you have not yet experienced the Father's deep, deep, reckless love for you, you are on my heart. I am thinking of you when I hear this song and I am lifting your name up to the Father. May you know the Father's reckless love. May every doubt and every hurt be washed away. May this song speak to you in a way that you aren't expecting. May you be in awe of the Father's love.

  Thank you for taking the time to hear my heart. I am sorry for every time I have ignored my Father speaking to me. Thankfully, as the lyrics say, this reckless love "fights 'til I'm found." This mean Jesus is not limited by my mistakes, or yours. He "fights 'til I'm found," til you are found, til we are all found. He is reckless and never ending!!!!! He wants to tear down every wall you and I have built up. He wants to tear down every lie you and I have been believing and replace it with truth!

Cory Asbury

Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me
(x4)

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

*Click the song title for a link to the song*

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Give Me Faith

   I have a song to share with you today. It is on my labor playlist to listen to during the whole labor experience. :-) Today this song just took on a whole new meaning as I left my OB appointment.

  I am 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my first child. I am positive that my baby had been head down for quite a while. (I could be wrong though). However, today it was discovered that my baby is head up. After the midwife checked I was sent over to get a sonogram which confirmed this to be true. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a doctor to discuss the option of trying to turn baby around. If that does not work the next option is that I will have to have a c-section.

 This is not a horrible option, I know. Baby is strong and healthy. Baby's heart is great. Baby is just not in the correct labor position.

  I was planning on a natural birth. I wanted to stay out of the hospital. I definitely wanted to avoid a c-section. This is still a possibility, but the options are a little scary. I could start freaking out. I could be mad at God (for not following my plans). I could be nervous about what could be to come.

  However, I choose to sit and trust in Him. I am asking Him for His faith and His strength. I am choosing to trust in His protection over baby and myself. Thus, the song "Give Me Faith" is really resonating with me today.

  I am thinking I am not the only one who needs to hear this song today. I am not the only one facing something scary. If this song is for you, may the words really reach out and comfort you in this time. Let us ask the one who holds all things in His hand to give us faith to trust in Him through the unknown. He will truly never EVER fail us!!!

Elevation Worship

I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life
All I am, I surrender
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life
I need you to soften my heart
And break me apart
I need you to pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me
All I am, I surrender
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life
'Cause I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will 
I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life
'Cause I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will 
I may be weak
But Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will


Friday, December 29, 2017

In the Midst of the Storm

  I love sharing stories of what God has done in my life. However, I love sharing them after they are complete. I like having resolutions. I like when the mess is cleaned up. It is easy to share my story then. It is so much harder to share what God is doing when He is STILL working, when I do not know what the finish line looks like.

  My pastor recently spoke on Peace, in the MIDST of the storm. He was reminding us that peace is not the absence of problems. However, it is something God brings to us while we are still facing problems. That being said, I felt God asking me to share a struggle with you that I am currently dealing with. I do not have a pretty bow wrapped on the situation. I am struggling to put my trust in the Lord, daily. I have no idea how it will turn out. This post is part of my declaration of faith. I know that God will come through for me. I do not know how or when, but I know that He WILL. He always has before, so why should He fail me now? He won't, so I chose to trust in Him.

  In case you missed the news, I am pregnant. 8 months pregnant to be exact. As I type this my due date is less than one month away. Baby McNeal will be here in the upcoming year and Jeremy and I are so excited to meet our little one!! However, I am not sure how we are going to pay for this precious gift. I had insurance when I first found out I was pregnant and that insurance ended a few months into the pregnancy. I took my time doing research and when I finally decided where to start the enrollment process they told me I was not eligible to enroll. Thus I had to wait until open enrollment. I picked an insurance plan that is to start on January 1st. As baby is not due to arrive until the end of the month this should be okay, right? ;-)

  The bad news is that my insurance plan does not accept all hospitals in the area. Due to unfortunate circumstances in the marketplace there were only two options, neither of them that great. The plan I chose is the better of the two, but, at the moment, it still does not accept the clinic I am planning to give birth at. I have already switched my doctor/hospital around once and I really do not want to do so again, this late in the pregnancy. I chose my insurance plan because the clinic said they would get this insurance. The process has proven more difficult than we all originally thought it would be. The insurance company is not wanting to take the time to prioritize the clinic, thus I am left in a waiting game. Do I stay where I am, knowing that I do not personally have the money to pay for this entire birth without insurance? Do I change doctors/hospitals yet again, in this last month? Do I stay or do I wait?

  At the moment I am choosing to wait, yet it is a terrifying feeling. I do not know how exactly we will pay for this birth. Even if they allow us to pay the fees in stages, we will not have the income to pay for those later payments. We are trying to find a way to afford insurance for all three of us as it is. Our finances are tight. Extremely tight. We will basically be able to pay our bills and nothing else. No wiggle room. Lots of trusting in the Lord.

  A question my pastor asked recently is whether I am trusting in God or in money. This hit me SO hard. I truly enjoy saving money for the future. When that money gets taken away and the option to save gets taken away, I get uncomfortable. Sadly, I prefer trusting in my own ability to save money more than I prefer to trust in God for my finances. I feel safer relying on myself. I have NO idea why. My finances are limited. They are finite. God is limitless. He is infinite. He is beyond my comprehension. His power and His resources know no end.

  Thus, as I do not know how God is going to come through, I choose to trust in Him. His answer may mean that I switch doctors once again. His answer may mean that I have to let go of my desire to have the baby in a birth clinic rather than a hospital. His answer may mean that we go into debt that we do not know how to pay back. His answer may mean that He opens the door for my insurance to work with my clinic. It may mean so many different things. No matter what it means, I choose to trust in Him. My faithful provider. My father who has never let me down. I choose to to trust in what I cannot see. Even if....

  What are the big obstacles in your way right now? What circumstance, what situation, are you facing that you have no solution for? What can you let go of and give to God? Let us trust together for the impossible to happen! Let us choose to embrace His peace in the MIDST of the storm.

Friday, December 8, 2017

Was That REALLY You God?

  Have you ever wondered if that brilliant idea in your head was really from God, or if it was just an idea you came up with on your own? I have, countless times. Sometimes it happens with really small things, like holding the door open for someone or saying a word of encouragement. Sometimes it happens with bigger things like asking someone if I can pray with them. Then, sometimes it happens with things that I feel are REALLY big, like deciding where to live.

  Last year, in October, Jeremy and I felt the Lord calling us to step into the unknown with our housing situation. We had heard of this incredible housing opportunity from friends, a cooperation, and we really believed God was asking us to try and get into it. If you have never heard of a housing cooperation before, it is a mix between renting and owning. You pay an equity down on the townhouse, kind of like a mini mortgage, and then you pay super cheap rent (compared to the area). The benefits of both of these options merged together is that you can treat the townhouse a lot like your own, making changes to it where you so desire. You do need permission for bigger changes like tearing out flooring or a wall. However, you also receive benefits of renting, with basic maintenance needs like furnace servicing, lawn mowing and leaf removal being taken care of for you. For young families starting out, it is a GREAT option. You pay a lower rent so you can save for a down payment on a house and you get a great amount of space for the price you pay.

  Jeremy and I were living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time. A small one-bedroom apartment with little to no storage space. We were trying to save money for our future, yet not having a ton of leeway to do so. As we approached the middle of our lease on our apartment we felt God stretching us into this new opportunity. I call it stretching because it really is not usually so simple to move into this cooperation. Rather, you have to go door-to-door passing out flyers to let people know you want to move in. Or, you have to know someone moving out. There is a 'waiting' list, but it isn't used, and the office really does not like working from it.

  And so, we began a journey of going door-to-door to pass out flyers and speaking with those living in the townhouses already. This was extremely taxing on our marriage. To say it was difficult was putting it nicely. I was mostly uncomfortable talking to strangers, but my husband was extremely uncomfortable with the idea, and would not do it at first. We learned how to work with our strengths and get through the process. We tried this two times with literally NO results. We waited a month or so in between, thus cutting down the time we had left on our apartment lease.

  We had also felt the Lord asking us to prayer circles around our request. This idea was spurred on by The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Thus, we began a nightly walk around the cooperation, praying for God's will to be done and praying as well for the people who lived in the cooperation and the person/family that would allow us to move into their townhouse. We did this for a few months and did not see physical results. However, we began to fall in love with the neighborhood. We met several incredible individuals along the way that we built a little relationship with. We stretched ourselves and were obedient to the Lord.

  Yet, we did NOT "see" results. We reached the date where we had to put a notice in at our apartment for our lease, to renew or cancel. We still felt called in this new direction, thus we chose not to renew our lease. After another two months with no leads we had to go back to the office and ask for a small extension on our lease. We were definitely struggling to believe that we had originally heard from God. To make things more difficult, we talked with several friends, or strangers, who had moved into the cooperation. Their stories made it so evident that God had literally opened the door for them to move in. That was not the case for us. It was discouraging. We wanted to give up. But giving up did not seem right. We are not quitters.

  Thus, we prayed and decided we would give it one more go around. We told God that we thought we were acting in faith, but we had not seen any answers. Thus, if He wanted us to live at Westerfield He had to open the door for us. We could not do it on our own. He needed to prove Himself, or we would let go of our dream, trusting that it meant He wanted something different for us.

  I passed out flyers on last time on my own during the week, Ash Wednesday, to be exact. Our church had a service that evening that we attended. I was in tears the entire service and felt frustrated and hopeless. Yet I also felt freedom, in knowing that we had left the dream in God's hands. It was up to Him, yea or nea.

 A week later Jeremy had a phone call from a young lady who was moving out. She wanted to meet with us. We went to her home and by the end of the visit we all knew that this was exactly the home God had for us. The lady had literally been praying for a young Christian couple who was just starting out to be the ones to move in. We were/are exactly that. God had answered our prayers!!  

 Several months later we moved in. The timing was definitely NOT what we had expected or hoped for. We had difficulties in timing even after we found the right place and had to find temporary housing while we waited even longer. Nothing about this journey went the way we had hoped or desired. However, it went exactly the way it was supposed to. God knew/knows what we need so much more than we do. The day we moved into our townhouse it felt like home. The place was covered in boxes, yet it was home in a way that our apartment never was.

 We absolutely love our home now. It has a second room, perfect for the arrival of our new baby. It has storage space we did not have before. It has a kitchen that is 3-4 times the size of the one in our apartment. We have a basement. We have a designated parking spot. We have neighbors that we love and are building friendships with. It has everything we hoped for, and so much more.

  It is exactly what God had in mind for us. If we had not spent so much time waiting, trusting in the Lord, passing out flyers, and praying around Westerfield, we would not love it as we do. Our timing was definitely not God's timing. His timing was so much better. We learned about the Lord's faithfulness, timing, and provision through this experience. We learned anew what it means to trust in Him daily. We struggled to believe we had heard from the Lord. Once we truly let go and let Him take over, we saw the fruit in our lives. This has been a hard journey, but one we would never exchange for something easier.

  Are you feeling like God has given you hopes and dreams, promises for the future, yet you have not seen any results yet? Please, do not give up. Ask Him to reveal Himself in a different way. Ask Him to show you what is in the way. The answer could honestly be that it is not in His plan for you. Maybe God has something different in store for you. I promise you, if it is different than what you have in your head, it will be so much better. God does not have it in His nature to disappoint us. His promises are yes and amen. He always takes care of His children. You, my friend, are His child, whether you think so or not. He loves you and He will take care of you. I promise. :-)

Monday, October 23, 2017

A Perspective Shift

  This past year has been a year of abundance. However, it has also been one of the hardest years of my life. SO much has changed for me, all in a short period of time. (I got married. I moved cities, away from family. I switched jobs. I started an internship. I had to make new friends. I transitioned from a house to an apartment. I switched churches) I am one who takes time to adjust to change. I welcome it, yet I fight it. This time I fought hard, although at the time I did not realize how hard I fought it. I could not find the sense of peace or gratitude that I knew I should have had. I was too busy focusing on my lack thereof and my longings for the old, rather than embracing the new.

  My dear husband had the patience to stand with me through it all and offer me the best support he could. However, he was not the key to my change. What I needed most was to change my thoughts. To continually hand them over to God and take in His truth for my life. I needed to trust in my heavenly Father, knowing that He has NEVER failed me before, so why should He suddenly do so now? He did not and He would not have. It's just not in His nature. Yet I forgot because I was focused on the difficult time I was in, rather than embracing the change for what it was and what God had in store for me.

  A month ago I realized that my perspective had finally shifted. Gradually, little by little, I was able to turn to God. I was able to fight against the lies of the enemy that told me I did not belong where I was. The lies that told me to go "home". Go back to where I came. Give up. Let go. Stop trying to fit in where you do not belong. No one wants to be your friend. Do not embrace the change; it will only hurt you. Such ugly lies, yet I felt trapped in them.

 I am a new person now. Nothing much has changed, yet everything has. Here is a sample into a recent journal entry I wrote to God about the change.

No automatic alt text available.
(Don't mind the extra stuff in the photo)
 Hi there God! It's a little after 5am. I've been up since 4:30am and I can't sleep. This Wednesday is the Living Hope Membership class, take 2 for me. Thus my mind and thoughts have been centered on this past year. God, you have taken me so far in this past year. So far. I LOVE where I am! I love my husband. I love this city (I seriously want an Olathe proud t-shirt). I love my church. I love my pastor. I love this baby growing inside of me. I even love my job! I love the friends I am building here. I love that I can stretch myself again as I used to be able to. I can find people at church that I don't know and introduce myself. I can build relationships. I can create belonging. I can walk peacefully and confidently in what you have for me. I can connect with neighbors. I can invite/encourage other women to attend the retreat. I can host a small group gathering at my house. I can create belonging wherever I go. I can connect with strangers at the store. I can thrive where I am. I can love the place you have called me to! I am abundantly blessed. And the funny thing is, I have no idea when all of this changed inside of me. I just know that it has. Thank you Lord. From the deepest places of my heart, thank you!
 
  My pastor is doing a sermon series called "Metamorphosis" right now about breaking out of the cocoons we have gotten stuck in, be they emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. Something he has said a couple of times has truly resonated with me after this past year I have had. "The way I think determines how I feel. How I feel determines how I act."

Image result for butterly flyinh  So much truth packed into those two sentences. We hold ourselves prisoners to our circumstances so often, when we do NOT need to. What are you holding on to right now that is unnecessary? That is holding you back? Is it a lie? Is it a past experience? Is it a lack of something? Is it a fear? A failure? Doubts? Ask God to open your eyes to what it is. He will not fail you. He will walk you through and help you to overcome. He wants you to live, to Really live and thrive, rather than remain trapped inside of your cocoons. Let us be butterflies rather than caterpillars.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Music Monday // Peace Be Still

   I have been really wanting to/feeling led by the Lord to get back into blog writing. I do not know how often it will be, but I aim to be more consistent. I know my struggles, my trials, and the things God does in and through them can be a source of encouragement to others. So, why would I keep them to myself?

   To start off, I thought I'd share a song I literally just encountered today. Ironically, the timing could not be more perfect. It's all God. The song is "Peace Be Still" by The Belonging Co (feat. Lauren Daigle). This season, and today in particular, I am in the midst of the unknown. I have no insurance, and not for lack of trying. I am 24 weeks pregnant (so wonderful!!), so I kind of really need it. I have a REALLY expensive heart doctor appointment next week that I am not quite sure how I am going to pay. I have a few things to stress me out in this time. And yet, I hear the Lord telling me "peace be still."
   My heart cry is just as the song says "I don't want to be afraid every time I face the waves....I don't want to fear the storm just because I hear it roar." I want to declare God's truth. I want to cling to His promises and rest in His peace. Not my own lack of it. "Peace be still...I'm not gonna be afraid 'cause these waves are only waves....I'm not gonna fear the storm, you are greater than it's roar..."

  May you be encouraged by this song today, just as I was and I am. Turn your eyes away from the storm you may be facing. Rest upon promises and reminders of God's peace, strength, and power in your life. Today and always. No matter how big or small your storm is. He is peace. Be still. 


Peace Be Still
The Belonging Co
feat. Lauren Daigle

I don't want to be afraid
Every time I face the waves
I don't want to be afraid, I don't want to be afraid
I don't want to fear the storm just because I hear the roar
I don't want to fear the storm, I don't want to fear the storm

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea, till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see, I will trust the voice that speaks


I'm not gonna be afraid 'cause these waves are only waves
I'm not gonna be afraid, I'm not gonna be afraid
I'm not gonna fear the storm
You are greater than its roar
I'm not gonna fear the storm
I'm not gonna fear at all

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea, till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see, I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, peace
Over me

Let faith rise up
Oh heart, believe
Let faith rise up in me (x4)

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea, till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see, I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, peace
Over me
Peace, peace
Over me

We don't have to fear, we don't have to worry
'Cause He is good, all the time (x2)